Because I love books ...

According to Adam, I'm a nerd because I read so much. Well, I think he's just jealous and I actually really hate when people who read are branded as "nerds." I love to read. As soon as I learned how to read in first grade, I've always had my nose buried in a book, and for the last two years, in my Kindle. I LOVE my Kindle.


At the beginning of the year, I gave myself a goal of reading 52 books this year. So far, I've read 40. Hey, I don't work and I have one kid who is almost 12. I have the time, especially the hours I spend at the baseball field for his practices and before games.


I've been keeping track of every book I've read. Here's the list:

1. A Shore Thing - Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi
2. The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
3. Catching Fire - Suzanne Collins
4. Mockingjay - Suzanne Collins
5. The Best Laid Plans - Lynn Schnurnberger
6. Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen
7. When You Reach Me - Rebecca Stead
8. Prom and Prejudice - Elizabeth Eulberg
9. Starlit - Lisa Rinna
10. Between Friends - Debbie Macomber
11. The Red Garden - Alice Hoffman
12. The Wolves of Andover - Kathleen Kent
13. Sprinkle With Murder - Jenn McKinlay
14. The Weird Sisters - Eleanor Brown
15. Here Lies Bridget - Paige Harbison
16. I Think I Love You - Allison Pearson
17. Buttercream Bumpoff - Jenn McKinlay
18. Less Than Zero - Bret Easton Ellis
19. The Clique #14 - A Tale of Two Pretties - Lisi Harrison
20. Trapped - Michael Northrop
21. It's Not Really About the Hair - Tabath Coffey
22. These Things Hidden - Heather Gudenkauf
23. Before I Fall - Lauren Oliver
24. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society - Mary Anne Shaffer
25. The Book of Joe - Jonathan Tropper
26. How to Talk to a Widower - Jonathan Tropper
27. Everything Changes - Jonathan Tropper
28. Eighteen Acres - Nicole Wallace
29. Three Stages of Amazement - Carol Edgarian
30. Secrets of My Hollywood Life 6 - Jen Calonita
31. The Peach Keeper - Sarah Addison Allen
32. A Visit from the Goon Squad - Jennifer Egan
33. The Boyfriend List- E Lockhart
34. Sweet Valley Confidential - 10 Years Later - Francine Pascal
35. The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake - Aimee Bender
36. Bossypants - Tina Fey
37. Garden Spells - Sarah Addison Allen
38. Sugar Queen - Sarah Addison Allen
39. Commencement - J. Courtney Sullivan
40. The Shadow of Your Smile - Mary Higgins Clark

I find that books are a very particular taste. I read a bit of everything, and yes, there's a lot of Young Adult books in the list. It's okay to be an adult and read YA. Hello, Harry Potter? Hunger Games? All written for kids, yet it seems like adults enjoy them the most.

The books I really enjoyed are anything by Jonathan Tropper and Sarah Addison Allen. They are two totally different authors, and the books are not similar at all. Commencement was a great book. A Visit From the Goon Squad was great, and actually, it just won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. Bossypants I absolutely loved. Tina Fey is not only hilarious on TV, but on paper too. The two books I really didn't like is Starlit and The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake. Lisa Rinna should stick to making her lips look not so fucked up, and the Lemon Cake book was just weird. I kept waiting for the book to start, and yet it never seemed to.

I'll keep adding to the list as I read more. I guess my goal now is 100 by December 31. Wish me luck.

Because Here I Go Again ...

Last week I was pissed off. It happens every now and then. I've gotten better at controlling my anger, and waiting a day or two before I go spouting off, my emotions bubbling over no matter how hard I try to keep the lid on them. I'm not angry right now. I'm not sure how to explain it. I'll try though.

One of the best things in my life is being a military wife. It's such an intense feeling of pride to know my husband serves his country each and every day and has for almost 16 years. I've been right there with him, and although I've complained a LOT (mostly when I was younger and immature), but for the most part, being a wife in the military community has become a large part of who I am. I was angry last week because of the government shutdown that was looming, and the fact that it looked like if it happened, Adam's paycheck would be cut in half. Ouch. I don't care who you are, half a paycheck hurts. It didn't happen, I'm happy to say.

BUT, this week it seems like all of a sudden the White House is pro-military everything. I saw a quote on Twitter by Joe Biden about owing us military families a lot. This is where I will most likely disagree with him, and others will disagree with me. Why are we owed anything? Anyone whose spouse joined after September 11, 2001, knew the word "deployment." Even if you just dated them for awhile, you knew there was always a chance of a deployment, or 10 deployments. They are difficult things, and you might question why in the fuck did you agree to this life when you agreed to marry them. One word, my friends, one word. Love. I love my husband. So I do the deployments, the loneliness, try to help my son understand why Dad is gone yet again. This is what you do for love. I would expect the same thing from Adam if the roles were reversed.

I'd rather see all the effort go toward the men and women who are in the Armed Forces. One thing that really makes my blood boil is seeing the stickers that say, "Army Wife. Toughest job in the Army." REALLY? I mean, really? You deploy to a foreign land and get shot at? You are away from your children for months on end? I don't think so. Get over yourself. A lot of places offer military discounts. Thank you to these businesses. Every little bit helps. We get free passes to Sea World, or Busch Gardens, and Disney World offers (or used to) a discount to military families.

What more do you want? I don't feel we are "owed" anything. You know what satisified me the most? A simple, heartfelt thank you to my husband. He does the hard part. I'm simply here supporting him. And that's enough for me.

Because this is what disappointment looks like ...

I've tried to be positive. I've tried to realize that there are tons of things that I cannot control, and to not worry about these things. I've done well, for me, lately. Until now. I won't hold my tongue. I try to control my temper, I try to hold my tongue, but sometime the Irish temper flares, and there's just no dousing it. The government has not yet shut down, yet the paycheck Adam will be getting next week is ALREADY halved. It's not all about the money, but in reality, a lot of the anger is directed at that. We'll be okay for awhile. We don't live beyond our means, but we enjoy what we can afford after many, many years of living on slim means. We have sacrificed. When we bought our house, we made sure we were several hundred dollars below what we are given for a basic housing allowance to allow for the bills associated with owning a home. But still, each paycheck makes a difference. Today I can honestly say I have never, ever been so disappointed in my country. Adam has given 15 years of blood, sweat, and tears to this country, and Addison and I have been right there along with him. We have endured holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. alone. We have sent him to war 8 times to be blessed enough to have him return to us each time. I have sacrificed, damn it, for this country. I try so incredibly hard each and every single day to not be selfish. But when my government basically tells us that Adam has to work and be paid eventually, it really chaps my ass. I don't have a job or career because I always wanted Addison to know that he had one parent with him, always, that he could depend on so he wouldn't feel alone. No one likes to feel alone. But that's how I feel, because my disappointment is so damn thick today. I can say with all honesty I am crying while I write this. All of the pride I have in Adam and his fellow Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines drives me to tears to see what is going to happen to the families who depend on this money, who sacrifice so much every single day. (And this girl is NOT a crier. Only when the Red Sox lose in the ALCS. Goddamn Aaron Boone.) My fellow military families, let's band together. Let's tell our government we're not expendable, that we count too. Make your voices known. Do not rest.

Because this is for Marlo ...

This is a post just for a woman I know named Marlo. I know Marlo because we went to high school together. While we didn't hang out, we had friends in common, and Marlo was one of the nice kids. Fast forward to today... Marlo is a newlywed who today saw her husband off for a yearlong deployment overseas. She's now a fellow military wife, going through her first deployment. I promised I would writer her a blog post with my best advice on how to survive this trying time. I'm not an expert. I have never gone through a yearlong deployment with my husband, because his job is different, but I have been through eight deployments averaging about four months in length since 2001. What I write here is my own ways of coping I have found to be beneficial to myself and my family. Everyone has to find their own groove and what works best for them obviously. I'm not going to lie. The first two weeks are always the hardest for me. That first morning I wake up after he has left hits me like a ton of bricks when I remember he won't be laying next to me in that bed for awhile. It's okay to be sad. There's a list I see every so often that has major stressors in life (like having a baby, moving, becoming an empty nester, etc.). I haven't seen one lately, but I wonder if they've updated it to include deployments. You will feel stress. How you deal with that stress is up to you. I chose to drink, probably too much, for a few deployments. Not the best coping mechanism, that's for sure. As I've gotten older and had a better grasp on what was to come, I've tried to use that stress as a motivator to exercise instead. Again, it's totally up to that individual how they choose to deal with the stress. Expect the unexpected. Something will break or need to be repaired at some point. In my case, it's usually within that first two weeks that Murphy's Law goes into full effect at the Nash house. I've gone and bought lawnmowers (twice), a washing machine on Christmas Eve, and much more, by myself, because I had to. Be prepared, especially if you don't have family readily available or in your area, to learn how to do a lot of things you never thought you'd have to do. You might amaze yourself as to the strength you do have as a woman, and as someone who is able to do stuff independently. It's okay to ask for help. I admit, I am awful about this. I will try, and try again, and try some more, before I ask anyone for any sort of help, be it watching Addison or figuring something out. I've become independent to a fault I suppose. When people offer help, or even say, "Hey, if you need anything, let me know," well, let them know. You will find out soon enough whose ear you can bend at any time of the day, and who may be a little standoffish because suddenly you're alone. You'll find out who your true friends and family are. It's very rare that I will unload my fears or sadness when I get the chance to talk to Adam when he's overseas. He's got enough on his plate. I'll complain every now and then about something trivial. But for the most part, I make sure he knows that everything is under control here. A Soldier is only as good as his counterparts are back home. If a wife is constantly nagging him, asking why he only emails once a day (HI, HE'S AT WAR YOU SILLY BITCH), his head isn't going to be where it needs to be. If you have to fake it, fake it. I'm not saying you have to BE fake. But I also wouldn't want Adam to be worrying because I happen to be having a crappy day and have his focus taken off what he is over there to do. You don't have to be Sally Sunshine, but there's really only so much he can do from over there. We don't often get much more than a 15-minute phone call once or twice a week, so there's no way I'm filling that time with complaining. He can't tell me what he is doing over there, so I let him know what we did that day, or what we have coming up, to give him a feeling of home and normalcy. If he's reassured that we're okay, it should be that much easier for him to be able to do his work. Again, not going to lie, but holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc., are hard when he's gone. Our first Christmas without Adam was miserable, no matter how hard I tried to put on a happy face for a 5-year-old Addison. The second Christmas was somewhat better, but really, it's just not the same without him. I've become somewhat jaded after almost 15 years of being a military wife, admittedly. It's fine he will be gone for my birthday this year. I've had 36 birthdays, and I understand. Addison will turn 12 without his father here. He is somewhat understanding of it, and as a typical kid, let Adam know that it "sucks" he won't be here. There's probably all sorts of things I forgot to add here. Mostly, the first deployment is all about learning what to do and what not to do. It's a scary, exciting, prideful time. Most of all, let him know how much you support him and what he is doing. And, of course, how much you love him. Marlo, I have no doubt you will be exactly what your last name is. You have my number - don't ever hesitate to use it. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.

Because it's who I am ...

Sometimes I'll be driving around, and see a blonde woman in her BMW, Acura, what have you, and think to myself, "I wish I was blonde and had an expensive car." That lasts for about a second before I remember who I am. I'm happy being me, because I accepted that this is who I am, which is not a blonde in an expensive car.

I was blonde once, because I was 18 and had a major lack of self-esteem. I thought I looked beautiful. In reality, I looked like a Puerto Rican porn star. I'm neither Puerto Rican, nor a porn star, so it was pretty ugly. I really believed that blondes had more fun. I was fun no matter what my hair color was, I just didn't realize it way back then.

So when I see these women, I feel bad about myself for a millisecond. A lot of work goes into being them. That's not me. I feel exhilarated every single time I get into the Jeep and the top is off. The feeling of sunshine on my face makes everything better. My hair inevitably is mussed and tangled, but I don't care.

If I had it my way, I would live on or right down the road from the beach. I would love the feeling of sand between my toes every day. I crave warm weather, sea breezes, and beaches. When it's warm outside, I also crave beer. I don't know why, but I do.

I guess I am a beach bum at heart, a girl who should have inherited millions of dollars early in life, so I could pull a Hemingway and write wherever I wanted to my heart's content.

Those girls can have their fancy cars and their manicures and such. I'll be the girl with the top off the Jeep, barefoot, hair blowing wildly in the breeze, dreaming about my future beach house stocked with good beer.

Because sometimes it's too much ...

As someone who keeps up with Facebook and Twitter on a somewhat regular basis, I have to stay I'm pretty surprised at what people put out there these days.

First off, enough of the friggin' complaining. Maybe I follow the wrong people on Twitter or have overly negative friends on Facebook, but it seems like for a long time now all everyone does is complain, and complain about everything! Shut it! I'm sorry if your life is so sucky, but instead of whining about it, why not try something different or new? I understand that not every situation is fixable, but attitudes are. I sometimes find myself falling into a chasm of self-pity, especially when Adam is out of town, whether training or deployed. Then I remember the families who will never again see their loved one, who never got the chance to say goodbye, whose son, husband, father, etc., died in a foreign land for his country. That'll clear up any feelings I have about feeling sorry for myself pretty quickly.

Then there are the "oversharers." Again, I'm sorry you are in a very loveless marriage and you hate your husband. I really don't want/need to know this, neither does the whole Internet. I'm sorry you can't afford basic life necessities for your family. But when you post the same link countless times to your blog with this information on it, it seems like maybe you're looking for a handout or donations without actually saying it. If so, that's fine. I do my best not to judge. At the same time, though, I wonder about people like this. Are they really that miserable? Are they trolling for sympathy? Do they want attention?

Maybe I'm just a simple person. I don't have Internet-worthy drama. In fact, I don't even have drama, because I choose not to become entangled in anything that could potentially turn into drama. I have a happy little life. I'm thankful for what I have, and I don't pine for what I don't have.

Because I don't understand why ...

I don't understand why adults feel the need to proclaim their hatred of Justin Bieber. The psychology behind it fascinates me. I think back to my teenage years when all the boys I knew absolutely hated The New Kids on the Block. It seems to make sense that they were jealous - jealous of their fame, money, ability to get girls, etc.

It's not a new phenomenon. I'm sure tons of young men wanted to be Elvis, or John Lennon, even Mick Jagger. But lately it seems like the people who are supposed to be mature adults like to spit their vitriol toward someone Justin. I think it's ridiculous. He's a child. Do these people realize they're letting the world know, via Twitter, Facebook and other social media, that they are incredibly immature and "hate" a young teenaged boy?

You don't have to like his music, or think he's talented (which he is, jealous much?). Don't listen to his music. If he offends you that much, you might want to examine yourself first.

Who wouldn't want to be a teenager worth a reported $100 million dollars with Usher as your mentor? Sounds like a pretty good life to me. I, as a newly minted mature adult, wish Justin the best of luck in his life. I hope he stays true to himself, his family, and his fans. Americans seem to like others to fail, so they feel better about themselves. I find that truly pathetic. Worry about your own life, and cheer on others when good things happen to them.