Thursday, March 26, 2009

Because I'm an open book...

Because I'm an open book, what I'm going to write shouldn't surprise anyone. Maybe it will, because I'm not always so open regarding my mental state, but here goes.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with very mild OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). The doc didn't think it was necessary to give me any medication for it, which is a good thing, because I suck at taking medicine.

Because he told me it was mild, I never worried about it. Weird, huh? But now I'm thinking about it, and realize there were many years I missed out on a lot of stuff because I sheltered myself.

(Sidenote: I had many more paragraphs written after this, but with a slip of the hand erased them all. I was on a roll, so I'll try to get back on track here.)

I got into a comfort zone. I really believe I had some form of agoraphobia, because I avoided going anywhere unless I really had to, unless it was somewhere I was comfortable, like my friends' houses. When I went somewhere alone, I would shake the entire time I was driving, and try to get back home as soon as possible. I've been called a homebody, and I am, because I really do enjoy being at home, but this was crazy.

I'm happy to say that I've been forced out of my comfort zone. Now that Adam has a job more than 3 miles away from home and is a very busy guy, I realize I can't just call him and ask him to take Addison to the doctor. And I'm okay with this. It feels good to get stuff done, to just do it, as Nike would say.

I am an overthinker. The more I think about something I have to do, the more keyed up I get about it. I'm crazy busy right now, which is the best thing for me, even though I feel like my brain is sizzling in my head from everything going on, but I'm finding the more I have to do, the less I stress about stuff, because really, I wouldn't make it.

I'm kind of proud of myself for recognizing this, and I'm proud of myself for just getting out there and getting outside my comfort zone. It's not easy, but it's rewarding.

Life is good.

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