Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Because I'm trying out this whole honesty thing...

Not-so-breaking-news...Adam has been home a week. YAY! It was a most joyous homecoming, and I've never been happier to have him home after an especially hellacious deployment.

Here's where I'm honest - there's a fair amount of guilt associated with his homecoming, and with my own happiness. I can't help but think of the wife who's husband came home in a casket 3 1/2 months ago. It's almost Christmas, and she doesn't have that opportunity to spend it with her husband. I can't even imagine what pain she must feel, and because of this, I feel a modicum of guilt feeling so happy. I don't want to feel guilty, but I do. It's not overwhelming, but it affects me. Maybe I'm more sensitive than I ever thought. How many of the other wives/girlfriends are thinking about her, or are so selfish they are only focused on themselves?

Or is it not selfishness? I really don't know. I'm confused as to how I should feel about this. I don't think I'll ever forget hearing that news. It will stay with me the rest of my life. Hopefully, with time, that pain will subside. For the widow, though, it's probably a lifetime. My thoughts and prayers are always, always with her.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Because it's again one of those days...

It's another one of those days, when I want nothing to do with anyone or anything. Unfortunately, I have a meeting tonight I have to show up to. It's a good meeting, but I don't feel like I'm able to paste a smile on and be happy to see a bunch of other wives. I'm sure once I get there I'll be fine, but a lot of times I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut, especially when someone really irks the shit out of me.

I've been cleaning all day, and it's been therapeutic for the most part. It's always nice to have a spotless bathroom. That is, until I use the pot tomorrow morning.

I'll get over it, and tomorrow's another day. I hate falling into a funk, hate it hate it hate it. I wish I could kick my own ass some days.