Monday, April 30, 2012

Because he won't be in the Army forever...

Sometimes I come up with brilliant ideas, or at least what I think are brilliant ideas. I think I may have a winner with this one though.

Adam will hit his 17-year-mark in the Army this August. We'd both like him to retire at 20 years. Then what?

My idea - together, we will provide marriage retreats and classes. Not just ordinary classes, mind you, but classes I think will improve every marriage. Are we qualified? Who cares? I think so. When I see celebrities who have a 6-month-old baby writing parenting books, I snicker. Our marriage has gotten better and better with each passing year (almost 37 16 of them), so you be the judge.

A sampling of classes and workshops I've come up with so far:

  • She'll Put Out More If You Actually Buy the Tampons She Added to the Grocery List;
  • Having Another Baby Will Not Save Your Marriage - DUH;
  • Cleaning Involves More Than Lining Up Shoes Against the Wall;
  • Pretend You Enjoy the Lifetime Movie Network;
  • She Will Always Need More Shoes, So Just Shut It;
  • Let Him Go Golfing on the Weekend - More Time For Lifetime Movies;
  • Men, They Are Your Children - You Are NOT Babysitting Them;
  • Dr. Phil and Oprah Have Nothing On Us - Truth;
  • Enjoy Your Time Together. You Never Know When You Won't Have It;
  • If You Tell Her She's Fat, Say Hello to the Hand;
Since I know you will all want to attend these amazing classes, let me know what else you'd like to see. The possibilities are endless!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Because it doesn't have to be a statistic...

While watching the Today Show yesterday, my ears perked up when they were talking about how couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced. Really? Well, that's just one more statistic that can kiss my ass. I'm sick of statistics.

I began hating statistics while watching sports. Random, I know, but, being a diehard Patriots and Red Sox fan, I've seen my teams go to the World Series and Super Bowl numerous times in the past few years. When I see things like, "Statistically speaking, the Patriots have never won a Super Bowl while trailing at half time," I yell like a mad woman at my TV. So? Who's to say this isn't the one time when they will win? Take your stats and shove them you-know-where.

Adam and I did live together before we got married. We're also both children of divorce. We are a military family, and he is in a special operations unit. I'm pretty sure that, according to all those statistics floating around out there, we should not still be married. You know what? We are, and every year brings us closer together, makes our marriage stronger, and makes us happier as a couple.

No marriage is perfect. If you say yours is, you're a big fat liar, and I already don't like you. Unless you like the Red Sox, then I'll let it slide. We've had our ups and downs like any other couple. The difference is, we don't let the downs define our marriage. We've learned that the time we do get to spend together is, for lack of a better word, precious. (I don't like that word but I'm using it.) Why would we spend that time fighting, or doing our own thing, when we could be enjoying each other's company?

I understand that marriages end every day, for a myriad of reasons. I'm not questioning someone's reason for getting divorced. What I'm saying is that if you truly love your spouse, and can make it work, it's worth a shot. There are tons of circumstances when a marriage should end, but I'm not going into that - there are too many variables, and frankly, no one's business but their own.

Statistically speaking, I should be the modern-day Elizabeth Taylor of marriage. I refuse to give into those stats, because I'm my own person, and I'm also too stubborn to believe in any of that. Even Kim Kardashian will someday find her prince and be married forever. (You can read sarcasm, right?)

I believe in marriage, in my marriage, and no statistic otherwise will tell me so.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Because there's always a positive...

Nobody wants to see their loved one deploy. You worry, you fret, but ultimately, you keep living. There have been deployments when I was miserable the entire time - that's my fault. Throughout the past 10 1/2 years of deployments, I've had the opportunity during that time for a lot of self reflection. You can always find a positive in a negative. Maybe not in math, but I wouldn't know because I suck royally at math.

This deployment I have decided it's time to stop abusing my body. I'm not 21, 29, 35 ... I'll be 38 next month. It's time to start revering my body, not treating it like a landfill. (I don't smell - that's the difference.) It's time to switch from 12 Bud Lights to two Sam Adams. I have responsibilities I can no longer try to sweep under the rug. I'd like to be in shape. That's not going to happen, no matter how hard I rock the beer belly, until I get off my ass and do something about it. I will say this, though - don't even think about touching my donuts. I don't believe in chucking absolutely everything I enjoy that may not be good for me, otherwise I'll be a miserable bitch who will eventually cave, drive to Dunkin' Donuts, and slam down a dozen chocolate frosted lovers.

Because I'm not thinking about what's for supper next week like I do when Adam's home (who doesn't love hot dogs and mac and cheese three times a week?), I have the time to think about other things. I can think about what I'd like to go back to school and get a degree in; I can roll around ideas in my head for what I'd eventually like to write a book about. What I'm saying is, I have more room for thoughts and ideas, not trying to jog my memory for what day our next mandatory social is planned.

Sometimes those thoughts aren't so much fun. While folding laundry today, I remembered a light bulb is out in the ceiling fan in the living room with the VERY tall ceiling. I'm 5'2" - where's the 6'3" dude when I need him? Other than that, I try to keep my thoughts positive. Negativity during this time will drag you down, beat your ass, and make it a miserable experience. It's a perfect time to think about your dreams, plan for your future, research where you want to go on your next vacation.

I'm not Sally Sunshine. I am slowly growing from a pessimist into a willing optimist. It's pretty sunny on this side.