Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Because I'm trying out this whole honesty thing...

Not-so-breaking-news...Adam has been home a week. YAY! It was a most joyous homecoming, and I've never been happier to have him home after an especially hellacious deployment.

Here's where I'm honest - there's a fair amount of guilt associated with his homecoming, and with my own happiness. I can't help but think of the wife who's husband came home in a casket 3 1/2 months ago. It's almost Christmas, and she doesn't have that opportunity to spend it with her husband. I can't even imagine what pain she must feel, and because of this, I feel a modicum of guilt feeling so happy. I don't want to feel guilty, but I do. It's not overwhelming, but it affects me. Maybe I'm more sensitive than I ever thought. How many of the other wives/girlfriends are thinking about her, or are so selfish they are only focused on themselves?

Or is it not selfishness? I really don't know. I'm confused as to how I should feel about this. I don't think I'll ever forget hearing that news. It will stay with me the rest of my life. Hopefully, with time, that pain will subside. For the widow, though, it's probably a lifetime. My thoughts and prayers are always, always with her.

1 comment:

Amber said...

Doc's first rotation we lost 3 and I remember how guilty I felt from the moment the call came in. The "thank God it wasn't my husband" seems to always sneak in no matter how hard we try to push it out.

I am sure that most of the wives are thinking about the widow, I'm in a different battalion and I am thinking about her. How much they think about her is probably all over the spectrum.

When my good friend's husband was KIL she saw it all, there were the wives who flocked to her offering her any and all the support we could, those who avoided her like the plague thinking it was contagious and then the worst, those who said they would be there but were gone by the time the grass grew over his grave.

Allow yourself to feel happy and guilty, there isn't much you can do about either emotion but if you can, reach out to her. Let her know you are thinking about her. I am sure even the smallest gesture would make a difference.