Nobody wants to see their loved one deploy. You worry, you fret, but ultimately, you keep living. There have been deployments when I was miserable the entire time - that's my fault. Throughout the past 10 1/2 years of deployments, I've had the opportunity during that time for a lot of self reflection. You can always find a positive in a negative. Maybe not in math, but I wouldn't know because I suck royally at math.
This deployment I have decided it's time to stop abusing my body. I'm not 21, 29, 35 ... I'll be 38 next month. It's time to start revering my body, not treating it like a landfill. (I don't smell - that's the difference.) It's time to switch from 12 Bud Lights to two Sam Adams. I have responsibilities I can no longer try to sweep under the rug. I'd like to be in shape. That's not going to happen, no matter how hard I rock the beer belly, until I get off my ass and do something about it. I will say this, though - don't even think about touching my donuts. I don't believe in chucking absolutely everything I enjoy that may not be good for me, otherwise I'll be a miserable bitch who will eventually cave, drive to Dunkin' Donuts, and slam down a dozen chocolate frosted lovers.
Because I'm not thinking about what's for supper next week like I do when Adam's home (who doesn't love hot dogs and mac and cheese three times a week?), I have the time to think about other things. I can think about what I'd like to go back to school and get a degree in; I can roll around ideas in my head for what I'd eventually like to write a book about. What I'm saying is, I have more room for thoughts and ideas, not trying to jog my memory for what day our next mandatory social is planned.
Sometimes those thoughts aren't so much fun. While folding laundry today, I remembered a light bulb is out in the ceiling fan in the living room with the VERY tall ceiling. I'm 5'2" - where's the 6'3" dude when I need him? Other than that, I try to keep my thoughts positive. Negativity during this time will drag you down, beat your ass, and make it a miserable experience. It's a perfect time to think about your dreams, plan for your future, research where you want to go on your next vacation.
I'm not Sally Sunshine. I am slowly growing from a pessimist into a willing optimist. It's pretty sunny on this side.