So I've hit a major rut in my life. I know it's depression, and loneliness since Adam's been gone over 5 weeks. This is my first deployment when I didn't work. I can tell a tremendous difference - I was actually busy and it made time go by faster. These have been the longest weeks of my life.
I've been so focused as our Family Readiness Group leader on everyone else that I've forgotten to take care of me. I just don't seem to have the energy or wont to take care of myself or the house. The rest of my energy is taking care of Addison. I would never be a parent who lets their child run wild or not feed them. He's my number one priority in life, always.
I'm missing the old Erin, the one who was fun. The one who would go anywhere, anytime, even though I'm a homebody. I'm a total hermit now. Between the depression and the feeling I need to be here, I don't leave the house that often. Sure, I go grocery shopping and to Wal-Mart and such, but there's no joy in shopping right now for me. I had planned on getting a good jump on Christmas shopping because I really enjoy getting it all done early, but I've lost the joy in most everything.
I'm not one for medication. I've done and tried a lot of medications, and now I just feel that this is something I can control on my own. I suppose admitting it here, on the blog, is my first step in taking control of it and getting on with life and finding the enjoyment in it.