Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Because I'm always thinking...

I've got two things on my mind today.

The first is how disappointed people make me. Grown adults, who can't get over themselves and their own egos, for the better of 10- and 11-year-old boys. Boys who like to play baseball, and be with their friends are pretty much without a team because adults act more immature than the children. I'm sad for Addison if the rumor that his travel ball team is being disbanded is true. Sure, it will free up our weekends for more family time, and this is important to me now, since we only have a few weeks before Adam leaves yet again, but Addison really enjoyed it, and it was good experience for him. I'm trying hard to get over this, but when my child is hurt or disappointed, Mama Bear takes over.

The second is this: I need to get over myself. I need to stop being such a bitch, and wanting recognition for the smallest things. Do I really need Adam to acknowledge every single thing I do for the house, the kid, the family? No. A small acknowledgement every now and then would be nice, sure. But not for everything.

Last night, he asked, "Do you even pay the bills?" I felt slighted. Of course I pay the bills! Many, many years ago when we had no money, I tried to put off paying the bills as long as possible. As soon as we were financially stable, I paid them, all of them, as soon as they showed up in my e-mail or the mailbox. I pointed out that his water wouldn't be coming out of the tap, and that the light that was on would not be on if I had not paid the bill. It made me feel like he really doesn't know what I do around the house. I was snide when IMing him this morning. I said, "Ttyl. Gotta go to the grocery store, because the food in the house doesn't just magically show up you know." Maybe I was bitchy, maybe it felt kind of good to be a bitch.

I like doing what I do for the boys. I like to cook and clean, so they don't live in filth or eat shitty meals. I even got ice cream and cones, so we can have a nice dessert tonight.

I'll try from now on to just know that what I do is what I do. I don't need cartwheels and fireworks every time I scrub the toilet or fold the laundry. I know what I do, and I'll be happy with that.

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