This Girl Can, Jillian

I tend to tune out when another NutriSystem commercial comes on my television. As an avid TV watcher, I've been bombarded with these since January. I can stand Dan Marino and Larry the Cable Guy, but I've since seen Jillian Barberie (yeah, I know, who?) and her bragadocious "I've lost 41 pounds on NutriSystem."

Am I the only person who sees the asterisk, on each and every one of these commercials, that says, "*Results Not Typical"? Then why the hell would I want to do it? Give me something us "typical" people can do to lose weight, assclowns.

Okay, but my big beef is that Jillian seems to think she's the only girl that can catch a football from someone tossing it to her off-camera from a foot away.

"I'm not your typical girl. I love sports. Football," she says. Yeah, typically, sports is a male-dominated world, but suffice to say, many more women are avid sports fans. I am. Many of my friends are. I don't have a Boston Red Sox tattoo because I like red socks. My husband got me a subscription to Sports Illustrated for Christmas two years ago. I read it cover to cover every Thursday. Love it.

I am currently freelancing for the newspaper I used to work for writing a weekly column entitled "Bench Notes" where I cull pertinent sports tidbits for the reader. I originated as the columnist and have rightly taken it back, because obviously, in my opinion, I did it the best. Yes, I do hold myself in high esteem.

What gets me is when Jillian "Mama Jugs" catches the football and says, "How many girls can do that?" Um, maybe it's just me, but unless a girl was born without arms, she could do it. Maybe if Jillian threw a perfect spiral 50 yards I'd be impressed. Maybe her mammoth boobs prevent it.

You're giving us chicks a bad name, Jillian. If that makes you special, then I'm very sorry for you.