Stuck

You ever just have one of those weeks? You know, the kind where you have absolutely no motivation in all aspects of your life? Yeah, I'm there.

I've battled depression my whole life. I finally had a great doctor diagnose me years ago with dysthymia, an ongoing, low-grade depression that can easily slide to full-blown depression. I don't take any medication, because I'm a bad pill-taker and quite honestly, don't want to spend the rest of my life on Prozac. I'm not anti-medication at all, because whatever malady you have, if your doctor gives you medicine for it, you take it, right?

This week I've been down in the dumps. There's no particular reason; I guess it's probably a myriad of small things.

I'm alone, all day. Addison leaves for school at 8 a.m. and is home at 3:30 p.m. Adam goes to work at 5:30 a.m. and usually is home after 5 p.m. That's a lot of hours for me to twiddle my thumbs. Quite honestly, I can't get into the housewife frame of mind. I can't clean all day. My brain needs constant stimulation, although I do enjoy trying new laundry detergent and continuously smelling my clothes. Ahh, yeah, that sounds weird, sorry.

If I could pinpoint what is getting me down, maybe I could try to change it. But usually, for me, there's nothing specific that gets me down. I guess I'm in a rut. I hate that summer's over (besides on the calendar) and it's not Fall yet. I love Fall and decorating and getting pumpkins and everything related to it. Sometimes I get so sick of summer that by late August I will put out my Fall decor inside my house, just for something different. It's kind of hard though when it's 90 degrees outside to get into the autumnal mood.

Most people tell me to get out and do something, maybe I'll feel better. I'm not quite there though yet. Usually it will take me a few days to wallow, then I get back on my feet. I hope it happens this time.