Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Why yes, I am a bitch

***Update*** "Dida" was not at practice last night. I am strangely disappointed. She better show up tonight or I'll be crushed.

I'm a pretty observant person. I have to constantly point out to Adam signs on the side of the road that say "Merge in one mile" or "Construction-speeding fines will be doubled." I catch spelling errors everywhere, TV, magazine, book, you name it.

Addison started tackle football three weeks ago. And, in that three weeks, I have noticed this one mom. Well, I have carefully observed all the parents and realized they bother me, but this lady, whoa.

She wears the same Adidas track wind pants EVERY DAY. No shit. I don't like to judge people, but it's something I've noticed. I pointed it out to Adam, and yesterday we debated over how often we think she washes them.

"You think she washes them every day?" I asked. He shook his head no. "Well, how often, then?" He held up one finger. "Once a week? That's gross." I shuddered inwardly and started to try to covertly glance at her and see if her pants looked dirty.

I know us military folk don't make a lot of money, and the less rank you have, the less money you make. But come on, I'm pretty sure Dida, as I've nicknamed her (Adidas, without the A and S), has more than one pair of pants. And, it's 90 degrees everyday. Does she not own any shorts? Maybe she outgrew them, granted, but Wal-Mart does sell shorts for cheap.

Not to be really nasty, but Dida is not the slimmest woman. The pants are tight-it looks like her crotch is hungry 'cause it's eating her pants. I can read her lips, and not the ones on her face. 'Nuff said.

This is the nastiest though-she was leaning over last night and giving everyone a real good look at her bright blue undies. Adam leaned over and whispered, "Take note of her underwear, and see if she has those on tomorrow too." That was when my gag reflex kicked in.